And So On...

Believe Only Half of What You See

“Well, I’ve lost it all, I’m just a silhouette
I’m a lifeless face that you’ll soon forget
And my eyes are damp from the words you left
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest”

— Daughter, “Youth”

Tonight is “new music heavy,” and I am certain at least some of you are saying, “It’s about time…”

I do not want to be the person Daughter is singing about. A crushing headache, heaving chest and crushed spirit are not characteristics of a healthy person. A lifeless face? That might be the worst thing you can picture yourself saying when you look in the mirror and the face of someone who looks ten years older is staring back at you.

But there are days when I desperately want an opportunity to spell some things out for the listener.

The perfect comeback, the verbal riposte that will set a tormenter back on his/her/their heels, make them pause, give them a second to consider what they did to deserve the dressing down they just received. Bitter bile welling up, beginning in the lower intestine until they can’t think of any other flavor passing over their tongue.

You have the ability to deliver the comeback that takes no prisoners, leaves no room for interpretation. The person on the receiving end of your full frontal attack is now fully aware that somehow, some way, he/she/they fucked up badly, and you were the victim of their own onslaught of vitriol, petulance and scorn. Vengeance CAN be sweet, if not inevitable.

Or maybe that is me and my own fever dream.

Those opportunities seldom, if ever, come down the pike and drop in our laps. As much as I can hope or as much as I can plan, that opportunity will never be mine to savor.

One can hope…maybe.

Not only are the chances few and far between, but who among us has the gonads to get in a person’s face and tell them off because they deserve it? I have been around the sun many a day and met lots of people – good and bad – and I can count on less than one hand the people I know willing to get in someone’s face for that final kiss-off.

I am sweet, I am ugly, I am mean if you love me. I’ll try hard just to please you, when I say I don’t need you.

— Sheryl Crow, “Am I Getting Through (Part I & II)”

Unfortunately, the people on less than one hand all got in MY face on separate occasions for that final “see ya’!” And I am the first to admit, the people who pop into my mind when I explore those darker urges probably (but not completely) do not deserve what I VERY MUCH want to say to them. Pound out another 10 miles on the exercise bike as a substitute. If that person pleads with you to “just let me go if you really love me…” make it 20 miles instead of 10.

“People say believe half of what you see
Son, and none of what you hear
But I can’t help being confused
If it’s true, please tell me, dear”

— Marvin Gaye, “I Heard it Through the Grapevine”

The art of debate and discussion is lost. Forever. I am sitting here on a night that makes me unsure whether we are in early or late spring, writing about how I really want to scream in some people’s faces…and not feel an ounce of remorse as I psychologically bludgeon another person’s spirit.

Screaming is the worst debate tactic ever devised. And it completely dominates public discourse. I’ll just scream louder and that will prove my point…or it won’t. I do not know about you, but my mind has never been changed by the volume of another person’s voice.

For the record, I’ve never bludgeoned anyone with anything. Yet.

“His words are quiet like stains are
On a tablecloth washed in a river
Stains that are trying to cover for each other
Or at least blend in with the pattern

Good is better than perfect
Scrub till your fingers are bleeding
And I’m crying for things that
I tell others to do without crying”

— Regina Spektor, “Man of a Thousand Faces”

I learned about this song less than 48 hours ago, referred to me by another Substacker, gracious enough NOT to tell me, “Okay, enough with Dylan and The Band already.” This song struck the perfect balance for me tonight because it has been an interesting 24 hours. But I NEEDED to hear the message of this song, especially last night and today.

Quiet words for a loud world; accepting good as good enough and crying for things you have little control over…this is exactly the tone I needed for today…and tomorrow…and the foreseeable future.

…This new ethos came in very handy for me last night. I was ready to throw this HP through my window because…auto-save is a farce. I swear I saved a document on Sunday night; I tried opening it last night and…two thirds of it vanished. I was mentally scrubbing ‘till my fingers were bleeding. Two-thirds of a document I had to finish were off in the ether because I trusted auto-save.

And I cannot very well scream till my lungs bleed at my laptop.

“I am no better and neither are you
We are the same, whatever we do
You love me, you hate me, you know me and then
You can’t figure out the bag I’m in”

— Sly and the Family Stone, “Everyday People”

As forward-thinking and progressive as Sly and the Family Stone was, that is a very…quaint idea.

One interesting sidenote about one of the songs: Berry Gordy thought “I Heard it Through the Grapevine” wasn’t strong enough when first recorded by and for Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. Gordy reportedly told Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong to toughen it up.

Smokey Robinson is on the shortlist of greatest songwriters of all time, and Bob Dylan may be his only competition among American songwriters. For Berry Gordy to say, “Nope…I’m asking Norman and Barrett to give it a shot…” takes some bravado. The linked video settles all arguments that Marvin Gaye may have been the coolest guy who ever strode planet earth.

From this singular anecdote, I don’t know whether to question Berry Gordy’s wisdom or to laud it.